To celebrate via blog, I'll just share some reflections/ramblings on motherhood. It has honestly been so much more fun and natural than I ever expected. I was never interested in dolls or babies as a child or teen, and when Derek and I first married, I wasn't entirely sure I ever wanted children. That quickly faded ;) Obviously. Now that I have Stella, I can honestly say that she's the absolute love of my life. That should go without saying but after spending nearly six weeks watching day time television, I realize that it's not.
I was always one of those people who would get grossed out really easily. Derek would stick his finger in his nose to make me scream and he'd chase after me, sticking his finger in his belly button just make me heave (I have an outie, and innie belly buttons always gross me out). Yesterday, I was spit up on so many times that I lost count, and I had to make serious wardrobe changes multiple times. She also was sitting on my lap and made the funniest face yesterday when all of sudden she let out the biggest shit I'd ever heard. I laughed and Derek was cracking up, but then I looked at her back. It was all the way up to her shoulders and all over my legs. I was like, "Derek... we have a serious one." We both dropped everything and went in for a double teamed diaper change. Derek was joking about needing his NBC suit from the Army. Weew, it was a doozy.
The point in me telling you all of this? Well, I never dreamed that I'd be totally comfortable with being pooped, peed, and puked on, and it honestly doesn't phase me at all. I also never dreamed when Derek and I were dating that I'd be okay with spending my Saturday nights, laying on the floor with him and Stella in the nursery, playing music and looking at baby books. I am, though. I'm more than comfortable. It's the most wonderful feeling to spend time with her and Derek, looking at her cute toes and seeing her smile. Yes, she is officially smiling and giggling now. It's so stinking cute. Being a mom is the most wonderful experience in the entire world.
My day so far has been great. Derek offered to either go to breakfast or make me pancakes this morning. I thought that getting out of the house would be nice, so we went to IHOP. Well, Stella woke up rather hungry as they sat down my strawberry banana pancakes, so I had to leave with her for the car. Derek asked for my food to be to go, and he came out a few minutes later. I thought to myself, "What better way to spend Mother's Day than to just be a mother?" I sort of laughed as I sat in the car, nursing Stella, as I watched all of these old ladies waddle into IHOP. Part of me wanted to say, "Hey, asshole, look who's in the shit! I'm getting my mom on right now!" The other part thought that I'm thankful that I'm right where I am. Someday, Stella will be an adult and I'll (Lord willing) be one of those old ladies, and I'll miss the days of diaper changes and clusterfeeding in the middle of the night. I've already developed a nostalgia for her newborn clothes that don't fit, and I teared up the other day when Derek and I were cleaning out her drawers and he pulled out the little white shirt that she wore in the hospital. In fact, I'm tearing up as I type this. Being a mom has made me a sap!
I guess the point of all of this rambling is just to say that I'm so thankful that I have her and I can't say enough how much I love her. I know she's not able to go buy me flowers or give me a card, but I know that she loves me when it's just us together during the day and she's been crying and she just wants me to rock her. She's adorable, fun, and sweet, and I love spending all of my day with her :) I hope that in the years to come that I'm the mother she deserves, and God knows I'm going to try my hardest. To end with a joke, I asked her this morning when we woke up if she had my Mother's Day present in her diaper, haha. You know me - I couldn't end being all sappy :P
Cheers to motherhood and having the cutest and best baby in the entire world :) And, happy Mother's Day to all mothers, grandmothers (sorry if I was hating on ya'll at IHOP), expectant mothers, and those who wish to be mothers. And, I have to give props to Derek. When I get tired or I've been dealing with the night fussies, he's always there to help. He's still the master of the diaper change, and I think I may start timing him for sport. He's amazing. Simply amazing, and I'm so fortunate to have him. Well, shit. I did end being all sappy, haha.
